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~ letters from novelist to world. the rest at kellysimmonsbooks.com.

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Tag Archives: How to Write a Holiday Letter

Dear Family & Friends!

02 Wednesday Jan 2013

Posted by Kelly Simmons in Uncategorized

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Apologies To David Sedaris Who Did it First, How to Mock Your Family, How to Write a Holiday Letter

Dear Family & Friends!

As another December draws to a close, I look back on another challenging but thrilling year for our little family!

2012 brought many changes to our household even if you don’t count Michael’s new surgically enhanced secretary and my brush with the faux policeman on a girls’ weekend to Vegas, but none of that matters compared to Sarah’s 4.0 average during her first semester at Harvard!  We worried that playing star forward for a d-1 team while running her yoga for children foundation in Benghazi would result in an occasional A-, but not to worry!  She’s still fussing over choosing a major, but her 3-book publishing contract should tide her over until she decides whether her path will be nuclear physics or modern dance. Mom and Dad’s fingers are still crossed that she’ll go to med school despite her pesky tendency to faint whenever she has a paper cut—a trait quite prominent on her father’s side – but, well, nobody’s perfect, as Michael so eloquently reminded his staff when they discovered him in the coat closet with Miss-My-Tits-Get-In-The-Way-Of-My-Typing at their festive holiday party.  Next year, ix-nay on the office mistletoe, Mister!

Our younger daughter is as proud of her older sibling as we are, but she expresses it in such interesting, unique ways!  Back in September, Emma dyed her hair black and organized an artists’ retreat with a fascinating young man she met on the Internet.  This was all easily explained when she was returned to us in handcuffs just before Thanksgiving, clutching a sketchbook and a prescription for Valtrex.  As she expressed so plaintively, sometimes you have to just go out and experience life a bit before you can write a truly moving college essay!  Emma’s college quest continues with a plan to take a gap year to go to Amsterdam and rent a small space along the river, where she can presumably set up an easel and enjoy the “beautiful light” before applying to small liberal arts colleges that don’t require high school transcripts or look askance at genital piercings.

As for moi, in between antique shopping in Europe in April and a spiritual retreat to India in June with Yoga Master Randy– who taught me the true benefits of putting one’s leg behind one’s head—I’ve busied myself with private tango lessons and am pleased to report that perimenopause has not diminished my ability to do the splits!  Once a cheerleader, always a cheerleader, as my personal trainer loves to remind me!

Of course, none in our community was untouched by Hurricane Sandy, but after writing a few rather large checks we were able to wrest a landscaping crew away from their volunteer work long enough to help us win the Garden Club’s Grand Prize for my Autumn annual beds!

And I’ll leave you on that note!

All best for a healthy and prosperous 2013 – and if anyone has a relative who is a college admissions officer, will you please email me separately?–

The Hornington Family

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