Dear Public Figure,

Don’t do it.

Don’t hire the hot maid, don’t put the dog on the roof, don’t cheat on your dying wife, don’t buy a phone with a camera.

Don’t have sex with anyone who doesn’t have wrinkles.  Don’t have sex with anyone who says, “don’t worry, I’m infertile.”  Don’t have sex.

Don’t type “how to kill someone” into your search engine.  Don’t type “how to disappear” into your search engine.   Don’t type.

When someone asks you what kind of car you drive, don’t say Cadillacs.  Don’t say Cadillac.  Don’t drive.

When someone asks you how much a gallon of milk is, don’t guess.  Don’t say you don’t know.  Don’t say you’ll ask your hot maid.  Don’t drink milk.

Go to the movies.  Read a book.  Eat ice cream.

Pay for everything yourself, and know how much it costs.

Because everything you do will cost you. Everything.

Very sincerely,

Your constituent